I just found this post that I never published from after I had Brooks. I loved reading this from the perspective I have now. Things have become infinitely better since then and looking back I know Heavenly Father had a plan for me.
These past weeks since Brooks has come have held so many emotions for me. Love, so much love for my children and family. Fear that I am not a good enough mom or wife. Anger at the fact that life has to be so hard sometimes. Extreme frustration with children who don't always listen combined with a new baby who is learning to sleep, likes to eat all the time, and obviously takes a lot of my time as new babies do. Sadness when I have lost my patience and seen the tears of my sweet little ones. More frustration, and even depression when my pants don't want to button and I see my post pregnancy muffin-top in the mirror (when people say it is harder to lose the weight after the third, they are right). A sick-to-my-stomach feeling when my busy little boy gets pink nail polish on my mother-in-law's white carpet, or when my mischievous Addy draws on the window sill with permanent marker ( and the list of damages by my children doesn't end there my friends).
These past weeks since Brooks has come have held so many emotions for me. Love, so much love for my children and family. Fear that I am not a good enough mom or wife. Anger at the fact that life has to be so hard sometimes. Extreme frustration with children who don't always listen combined with a new baby who is learning to sleep, likes to eat all the time, and obviously takes a lot of my time as new babies do. Sadness when I have lost my patience and seen the tears of my sweet little ones. More frustration, and even depression when my pants don't want to button and I see my post pregnancy muffin-top in the mirror (when people say it is harder to lose the weight after the third, they are right). A sick-to-my-stomach feeling when my busy little boy gets pink nail polish on my mother-in-law's white carpet, or when my mischievous Addy draws on the window sill with permanent marker ( and the list of damages by my children doesn't end there my friends).
Basically this is me being very honest, saying I'm struggling to figure out my new role. How do I do it all? I can either do a few things very well and let the rest (laundry, toilets, outings, cookig, etc) go to pot. But lets face it. We are all going to eventually need clean underwear. That pile of laundry has to be done at some point. Or I can do a lot of things frantically, rushed, panicked, and just do them halfway. And I this is me feeling this way even with my sweet mother-in-law cooking dinner most nights.
Ok, I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I am going somewhere with this. Even though I feel so overwhelmed lately, I have the reassuring comfort that this is for my good. Things are difficult for me right now, but I know that Heavenly Father is helping me learn. And not only is he helping me learn and grow, he is with me every step of the way. I can pray for help, and even though things are still hard, just knowing that he is aware of me is so comforting. He has put people in my life to help me in so many different ways. I know that there are angels who he sends to watch over us and help us in times of trial. Another thing that I think Heavenly Father tries to remind me of is that I have it so good compared to so many. My children are not starving. I live in a safe place and I have people around me who love me.
